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| okay apologies to those who actually still read this since it's just turned into my public angry rants page... but...
You had everything and you traded it in to "sow your wild oats" with a bunch of trashy bitches! EW!
Life is so much clearer in retrospect. I am actually starting to really enjoy being single because I LOVE ME! And I have amazing friends and I don't hang out with trash ass people all the time. And I am actually beginning to act like an adult... at 21 even though some people can't handle it even going on 25.
YOU JUST GOT TONGUE BANGED BY MY BLOG! HA!
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| Yes, AMC "April" is you, you're the only person who reads this anymore, anyways. Might as well shout out!
Anyways I just like to vent, and especially late at night when I let myself have a pity party and feel all sad about my lost love who doesn't even deserve to be remembered, but I can't stop thinking about him and I can't stop missing him almost as much as hating him.
It's funny how the old songs that I identified with in high school are coming full circle into being my favorites again. I don't know, sometimes I feel like every feeling I've ever felt has already been written down and recorded, if only I can find it.
Here's mine for this week, from dashboard confessional.
I'm missing your bed, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You're not alone and you're not discreet.
You make sure I know who's taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again,
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it:
"I'll love you always and forever"
As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.
I'm missing your laugh,
How did it break?
And when did your eyes
Begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
I am alone in my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home
I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak.
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder...
How you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone...
Making out
xx Melinda
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| I am so sick of skeezy people. Period. Over it.
Oh and I love you April, thank you for being my friend.
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| It's hard to believe that exactly three months ago I was sitting in bed in a fraternity house in Indiana crying my eyes out over the uncertainty of my relationship. And in another 20 hours or so, it will have been three months that I've been on my own. The uncertainty is gone - I am certain about so many things now that I had wrong then. I am certain that people who are supposed to be your best friends don't give you bad news while you're away. I am certain that if you ever really loved someone, you don't just change your mind and decide to stop loving them after 2 years and 9 months. And I am certain that I am a better person without him - I don't need to give all of myself to someone who is only capable of making himself happy.
Things are good now - I feel like I've gotten to know my friends so much better this summer (for better or for worse) and really been able to see who I am and the kind of friend I'd like to be. And not worrying about a second person has opened up time for me to make new friends. I guess what I've been learning is to love myself more than I love someone else (I know it doesn't sound logical, but I know I lost myself for a while). And now that I'm finding myself, I think I'll like what I find.
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| Seeing the front of him, and side, and truck, and friends... yeah, there's no stomach-churn or heart-flop anymore. I am just disgusted.
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